How To Tell Your Parent's That Bae Is Outside of Your Race

You’ve spent countless hours watching your favourite shows, explored parts of the city you never knew existed, taken epic vacations, and attended every social gathering your friends could conjure up, now what? Well now it’s time to tell your parents that you’ve found the one. Although bae makes you laugh till your stomach hurts, brightens your day with his endless romantic gestures and pushes your imagination beyond your limits, you know this will be tough. Your parents are strict, and expect that you will bring home someone just like you, from your race. So what do you do when bae is not brown? How do you tell your parents? Here are some tips to break the news to your parents that #baeisnotbrown

1. Long before  you want to introduce non-brown bae to your parents, open up the dialogue to interracial dating.

Gauging where your parents stand regarding interracial dating is the best way to get a grasp as to how to tell your parents about bae. Talk to your parents about friends that you know that are in happy interracial relationships. Talk to them about some of the challenges they faced, and how they overcame them. This will provide your parents with examples of successful mixed race couples that they likely do not have in their schema. This is also priming your parents to see mixed race relationships as non-threatening and that "everybody's doing it". They will likely agree with you that your examples are valid, but still put up a fight as to why the benefits of being with someone from your own race outweigh bae. See tip 2 if this is you.

2. Talk to them about problems in marriages between same-race couples

Sometimes it is important to make your parents aware that same-race couples don't always last. I know it might seem petty, but providing them with examples of two birds of a feather that haven't necessarily flocked together, may open their eyes up to seeing that same-race couples don't always make it last. They too can have issues of fidelity, broken trust, lack of honesty, separation, divorce and even abuse. 

3. Set a meeting with your parents to tell them your news

You want to show your parents that you're grown up and ready to make your own decisions? Well this is how you do it. Approach one or both parents, whoever you're going to approach first, and tell them that you have something important you need to share with them and you need an hour of their time uninterrupted. They likely will want to know in the moment, but you will remain silent and insist that this is very important, and their undivided attention is required. This will build their suspense and curiosity, but will also put you on a level playing field with them. 

On the day of your meeting, you will tell them that you've been single for awhile because it's hard to meet someone who has all of the qualities you're looking for. You will then proceed to tell them that you met someone very special and you have begun dating them. They may want to interrupt and interject your news with loads of questions, but you must maintain that you are not finished speaking. Talk to them about all of the great qualities bae has, what he does for a living, his ambitions, all of the positive things that drew you to him in the first place. Do not divulge his name or his race at this point. If they ask, tell them you simply do not want to answer any further questions and that when you know they are the one, you will tell them more. You can explain to them that this is because you respect them and you don't want to introduce just any old chip off the block to them. 

4. Set a meeting with your parents to tell them who bae is

A month or so later, or when you've figured out if bae is the one, tell your parents that you'd like another meeting with them to sit down. Remind them again the great qualities your loved one possesses, your future goals and ambitions, and finally tell them their name. The first question they'll likely ask you is, "Is that a _______ (insert any race other than your own) name?" To which you answer, yes. If all goes well after this, skip to step 6, if you see your parents blood boiling, read step 5. 

5. Expect your parents to throw a tantrum

If you anticipate this will be your parents, then here is where your decision and relationship will be tested. Over and over again. Your parents may throw a tantrum the day you tell them, the day after, the whole week, month, sporadically or even be fine at first, then throw a tantrum later. Whatever the calendar style of venting they choose, you have to remember why it is you told them about your partner in the first place. That is about the only thing that will help you lick your wounds after your parental unit rips apart your relationship, your decision making, your partner, and you. 

It is a trying time, but you will have to stick to your guns if he or she is the one. Just as your parents listened to you patiently opening up about the love of your life, you need to remain silent, and make them feel heard. Don't rebuttal every point they make as this will go on back and forth. Instead, really listen to what they are saying, figure out what their worries and fears are, and when they are done speaking (if they ever do finish), then address their worries. 

Depending on if you're ready to jump the broom, or dating seriously, you're better off letting your parents simmer with the idea that you're taking it slow and really thinking through your decisions. That you'd like to continue dating your partner and see where this relationship takes you. 

If your parents finally calm down, days, weeks or months later, then you're golden and off to step 6. If your parents are not, stay tuned for my post on how to deal with your parents that are disowning you because you’re dating someone outside of your race.

6. Take it slow

If your parents are accepting, take it slow. Don't rush to the races to introduce your partner as the concept of interracial dating may still be a touchy subject for your parents. Every so often, share information about your relationship, one or two pictures, and take your time to introduce your partner. Going about it too fast, can scare your parents and make them second guess your decision making. Once you feel sure that he or she is the one, it's time for your parents to meet bae. Read my post on How To Introduce Bae.